High-definition photography

Chatting to a friend yesterday evening, he casually mentioned that he's getting heavily into "HD (high definition) photography". What the bleep's that, I thought... so he showed me a series of seven photos taken at the village Church. Each photo had been over-exposed on a different setting, to bring out one colour or another - so in one photo all the reds would be violently red, all the blues would be massively "in your face", etc. The idea is that you take a series of photos of exactly the same thing (using a tripod, otherwise you wouldn't be guaranteed to get exactly the same photo each time), all differently exposed, then you use a piece of software to merge them all together into one. The end result - a jaw-droppingly beautiful photo. I was amazed at the results he'd got, from an off-the-shelf digital SLR, and a £33 piece of software called "Photomatix". Check out the user gallery on the Photomatix website - some of the best photos I've ever seen, and they tell you how they took them. I'm itching to give this a try, just need to save a few pennies and get a Nikon D80, or similar.

Computers? Not me, mate...

I often wish I'd never admitted to knowing a thing or two about computers. My life recently has consisted of three things: Work, bowls, and fixing other peoples' computers. The trouble with playing bowls is that an awful lot of bowlers (especially the retired ones) have computers at home, and have little or no idea of how to use them. Every time I pop down to the club, I'm swamped with people asking for advice on this, that and the other.
"My email doesn't work"; "I ran a Windows update and now it won't switch on"; "My printer won't print"; "I think I'm paying too much for my broadband"; "My computer's slow and Dixons advised me to buy a new one" - these are all typical greeting lines which are thrown at me as I scuttle at high speed from the car park to my locker, where I grab my bowls and shoes, trying hard to ignore the queue of expectant bowlers clutching their copies of Windows for Dummies. Only the sanctuary of the green can save me from this modern-day nightmare, as (nearly) all bowlers know not to interrupt someone once a game has begun (the odd couple who tried to talk computers during a game learned the hard way).
Last Monday I counted 14 individual enquiries of the computer variety, fired at me within the 120 seconds it took me to grab my gear and leg it onto the green. The phone usually goes twice a night, with some problem or another. One of these days I'm going to claim amnesia, or just develop an attitude problem, and tell people politely where to get off.

There are, of course, a few people for whom it is a joy to work - people who have done me favours before, like Geoff, who installed my kitchen last year. I'm currently in the process of building him a rather snazzy new PC. For just £350 he's got an Intel Core Duo 2Ghz processor, 2GB of high-speed RAM, a 320GB hard drive, a full tower with a strong PSU, a legal copy of Windows XP, a DVD re-writer, rock-solid Gigabyte motherboard, 256mb of graphics goodness, and more useful applications than you can shake a stick at. That should keep him happy for a while, and at least he's not one of those irritating people who ring me up at work, asking about their Outlook Express settings!

As Withnail's friend once said, "Will we never be set free?". Maybe... once I start charging £1 a minute for giving good advice!

The joy of networking

One of the perils of working at a small company, is that there's no dedicated IT support person. I've volunteered to take on this role, as I've got years of experience of using Google, a screwdriver, and lots of brute force to get things working. Our current IT problem is that one of our development servers keeps losing its network connection for no apparent reason. The event logs don't throw up anything unusual, yet the connection just dies every few hours, which wreaks havoc with our automated backups! The most annoying thing is that the on-site IT guru in the building (servicing many small companies) came in and fiddled with the servers last month, before which this problem didn't exist. He denies all knowledge, and refuses to look into it - how typical.

After a LOT of Googling, I finally found something useful: Microsoft's DevCon utility. This is Device Manager on steroids, and allows you to start / stop / reconfigure your PC's hardware items via command-line scripts. Thanks to the smart people at Tech Republic, I've now got a working script to ping an external server, and restart the network card if the ping fails. Actually getting the right syntax for the device name took a bit of trial and error, as initially I was inputting the entire hardware ID (located through the detials tab on Device Manager) - something like "PCI\VEN_8086&DEV_1064&SUBSYS_0123456&REV_00\4&D2894CD&0&0818", which I thought should do the job. It didn't... it seems to like abbreviations though, so I just removed everything after the SUBSYS value (in the example above, this just left "PCI\VEN_8086&DEV_1064&SUBSYS_0123456"), and that did the trick. Pretty nifty little tool - you can even reboot the server using DevCon, so handle with care. Now, where did I put my hammer?

All bowled out

Apologies for the radio silence in the last few weeks! My blogging time hasn't really existed, due to the outdoor bowls season. It's calmed down a bit now, but for a few weeks I was bowling almost every night at various locations around Sussex, not getting home til 11pm, and blogging was the last thing on my mind.

I'm out of all my county competitions now (both of them!), so I'll have at least one evening a week in which to dream up something interesting to write :)

Driving in Mid-Sussex: a survival guide

If you've never driven round the roads of Mid Sussex before, here are a few handy hints and tips to avoid standing out like a sore thumb:

1) Never use your indicators. To do so would mark you out as a foreigner, and make yourself liable to tailgating (see 2 below). If approaching a roundabout, just wander aimlessly around it, until you spot the correct exit. Everybody else does this, and the number of roundabout-related accidents are surprisingly low, so it's clearly a good strategy. You'll have the added bonus of really p*ssing off anyone who's giving way to you.
If driving down a main road and intending to turn down a side street, just do it - randomly, at speed, and at the last moment. It'll infuriate that polite idiot who's been waiting for you to pass them by.
The good people of Mid Sussex have long been lobbying the motor industry for a slightly cheaper "local" version of popular car models, which wouldn't have any indicators installed.

2) Don't just drive behind someone, drive RIGHT BEHIND THEM, so that your bonnet is just touching their rear bumper. This will remind them that it's not acceptable to do 30mph in a 30 zone (see 3 below), and re-inforce their sense of insecurity.
Ideally, if you see someone in front of you, accelerate wildly, wind your windows down, crank up the MC Hammer tape you just know you've got in the player, and let them know who's boss. You'll double the chances of inflicting some serious whip-lash injuries on the gullible fools if they stop suddenly, and add to your street cred by putting a neat dent in your bonnet. Tailgating for the win!

3) If you're in a hurry, and don't have time for the joys of tailgating, then just overtake. Anywhere, on any road, but preferably in a dangerous spot, like on the brow of a hill, or approaching a blind bend. Ideally, sound your horn constantly and give them the ole' two-fingers sign as you roar past, risking your life and vehicle for the sake of a few seconds' advantage on your overall journey time. People will fear and respect you for miles around, and the local press will thank you for giving them a juicy story when you finally run out of luck and hit that huge tree on the corner.

4) Drive big, park small. Find the smallest parking space available, and squeeze your car into it. Ease yourself out gently, then hide in a nearby bush, and be ready to leap out and accost the poor mug who's parked next to you, and has just left a minor scratch in your paintwork by being stupid enough to try to get into their car.

5) Stock up on projectile weaponry. With so many idiots on the roads these days, it's good to be prepared. Keep a small stash of projectile weapons handy, so that you can wind down your window and pelt people at random, if you think they deserve it. Eggs, tennis balls, oranges, stones, marbles, and water balloons are standard fare, and should keep the nutters busy while you rummage for your Lighthouse Family greatest hits collection.

6) Don't bother with tax or insurance. Nodoby else does, so why should you? Just get a car and drive, like a real man.

7) Clamp your phone to your ear. Talking on the move is pretty damn cool. You'll look good, especially if your mobile handset is up to date. Driving with one hand gives you far greater control of your car, and if you're really skilled, you can lean on the window with your phone-arm, eyeing people up, chewing gum, and talking football with Baz prior to this evening's p*ss-up.

I hope you've found this advice to be helpful. If you follow all the points above, then you will truly be the king of the road (at least in Mid Sussex).

Petrol prices!!

A hot topic of conversation at the moment is inflation, and in particular the spiralling cost of petrol and diesel in the UK. Car drivers are quietly seething while they watch petrol prices rise steadily beyond the £1.10 a litre mark. Diesel is at £1.20 a litre and rising, despite the European average being just 60p. The Chancellor seems intent on pressing ahead with 2p-per-litre tax increases with each passing budget, despite taxation making up nearly 70% of the cost of a litre of petrol. Meanwhile BP have announced that their annual profits are up 48%. The short-term forecast is grim: expect to pay £1.50 per litre of petrol within the next four months, almost £7 a gallon.
Apart from a gently increasing tax burden, the main reason for the escalating prices it that crude oil is at an all-time high, having been at $24 a barrel in September 2000, the events of 9-11 and beyond have pushed the price to around the $120 mark.

The economic impact on UK businesses is quite severe. Today 65 haulage lorries converged on Downing Street to protest at the price of diesel fuel, which has increased 30% in the last year, thus taking the average weekly fuel bill per lorry to around the £1,000 mark. Try being competitive on price against European rivals who pay 50% less for their diesel - many companies are getting seriously worried.

So, we have a problem. What is the Government doing about it? Nothing.
Why? Well apparently, it's good for "the environment" to charge people more for their fuel. I see! So by charging more, people will use their cars less? Sadly, no. We won't all suddenly hop on buses, swap our petrol cars for diesels, or hybrids, or use the train more (because average annual fare increases of 8% aren't tempting either). In the same way that we're not all cancelling our holidays now that we have to pay an environmental charge for our aeroplane fuel. People will go on with their usual behaviour patterns, bite the bullet, and pay more for the same product - as simple as that. We'll all be getting a lot poorer, with the average UK weekly pay up just 2.9% in the last year, salaries cannot hope to compete with the current price rises.

If the Government was serious about helping out not only their citizens, but also their own economy, then they might consider cutting some of the heavy tax burden on petrol and diesel. Before a rampant Green party member accosts me with a wet lettuce, I'd like to point out that the environmental benefits of the increased fuel taxation are negligible - carbon emissions from privately owned cars are set to fall by just 1% by 2010 as a direct result of taxation.
It is interesting to speculate about the government's aims apropos taxation on transport. Are they perhaps working towards a less mobile population - one that no longer goes away for short breaks, or uses their cars so often? Are they aiming to move even more people out of the countryside and into towns and cities, by imposing crippling taxes on the off-road vehicles favoured (and needed) by farmers and those living in rural communities? Or are they merely flailing wildly, trying to get cash from anyone who can pay? Given the recent decision to scrap the 10p tax band, I would suggest that the latter is true - they're short of money, and are tightening their belts the only way they know how. A small increase on the higher tax band might bring in some of the money they need to plug the ever increasing national debt.

I wonder what Gordon Brown is saving up for? An electoral "Treasure Chest" perhaps, to curry favour with the masses? If he doesn't act soon, I fear he'll have more than just financial problems on his plate.

Useless information

I just turned my home PC on for the first time in a week, to be confronted with a succession of utterly useless messages. If there are any usability experts reading this, then please, please, please do something about it! Clicking 'ok', 'cancel' or the little x button is just downright annoying. Software should be effortless, not irritating! Here's what I had:

- STEAM was unable to connect to the Internet.
- Successfully connected to wireless network.
- Java update available.
- Java update available (again - why tell me twice? Why not just download the bloody thing and stop hassling me?)
- The following AVG components are in error state.
- Downloading AVG updates, please wait.
- Successfully installed AVG updates.
- The following AVG components are in error state (what, still?!)
- There are new Windows updates available, click here to download them.
- There are usused icons on your desktop.
- STEAM successfully connected.

That's twelve clicks to get rid of messages I didn't need to read. Hardly a great user experience, but then as we live in an age where we're constantly bombarded with utterly useless information, it makes sense that my PC would join in. One day, the UI experts will figure out that they only need to display a message box when something genuinely needs the user's attention.